She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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