Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
