You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I wish you could order shots online.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
