You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
