So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
