Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
