Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
