Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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