it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
