just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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