Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
