We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
