So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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