I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
