I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
