Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
