I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
