If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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