No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
50% drunk capacity currently
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
