I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
