I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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