We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Hippo gnu deer
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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