apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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