hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
