just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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