oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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