I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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