2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
