whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
