somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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