I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
