Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
