I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
