Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
