Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
