i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
