Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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