My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
