Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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