I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
