I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
