Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I wanna bring you to show and tell
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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