what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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