At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
