i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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