so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
