why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
im six kinds of drunk right now
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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