I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
they're like a gay fantastic four
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
