i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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