I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
