I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
