And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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