I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
