im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
