He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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