We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
