These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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