btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
