I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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