sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
