yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
