He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
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Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
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you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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