i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
What changed your mind?
Being sober
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
