I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Randomize
