Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
