we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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