Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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