Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
