I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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