Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
