we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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