I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
