saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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